Title: Oh My… We’re Where Exactly?
Setting: BTVS AU 7, pre-series
Disclaimer: Don’t own anything but the plot and the original characters
Warnings: Lots of original characters
Rating: NC-17 to be on the safe side
Summary: After the events of Ghosts, Goblins, and Ghouls… Oh My!, Spike and Buffy return to Skald Hill Manor for Xander’s car. You would think they’d know better than to explore an formerly haunted house, wouldn’t you?
Buffy leaned back in the tub. The heated water felt good after two days of riding behind Spike on a horse. Muscles she didn’t even know she had ached horribly. Buffy was completely sure that Elizabeth wasn’t a Slayer after the first hour atop the horse. Of course William wasn’t a vampire. He was able to go out in the sun, after all, but Spike seemed to have adapted to the change much easier than she had. Was it because he had lived before during a time where horse riding was more common?
“I’m my own uncle,” Spike said after a bit. “At least I’m pretty sure I am. I remember my father talkin’ about him when I was little. He and his wife were killed here in America just before I was born.” He’d used their travel time to calculate the different historical possibilities based on everything he remembered growing up.
Buffy rolled her head to the side to look at Spike. “I don’t think you’ve ever seen Wesley, but Win looks a bit like him around the eyes and jaw.”
“He’s probably already caught up in the Council of Wankers.”
“Win, of course, pet.”
“Yeah, probably. Wes never said how long they’d been working for the Council, but it seemed like a family business or something.” Buffy rolled her head back to the center of the tub lip. “You know, Giles’ grandmother was a Watcher too. I think her name was Edna.”
“We need a plan, Slayer.” Spike closed his eyes.
“Not the Slayer anymore, Spike,” Buffy said with a pout. “I’m just plain old Elizabeth Jamison. Nothing special about me.”
“Bullshit, Buffy. You may not physically be the Slayer, but your soul, heart, and mind are,” Spike growled. “You survived the Council’s little Slayer test, didn’t you?”
Buffy wrinkled her nose at the memory. “I suppose. So, we need a plan. How are we going to get back home?”
“Hmmm.” Spike lazily swept his hand back and forth through the water while he thought. “Though magic isn’t my first choice, we might look for an accomplished witch.”
Buffy shook her head. “Mine either, but do we have any other options? It’s not like we can really go up to your uncle and say, ‘hi, we’re from the future’.”
“It does defy logical explanation.”
“Especially if you’re wrong and he’s not with the Council. We’ll be the first inmates at the sanitarium,” Buffy grumbled.
“I’ll talk to Win about taking a drive into the city.” Spike sighed. His water was starting to cool off. “I doubt we’ll find any witches openly here. Town’s still a bit small.”
Buffy shrugged. “It’ll be the same size as Sunnydale and Oxnard eventually. I vaguely remember a report someone did in history class right after I moved to Sunnydale where they said something about Rocky Hill being older than Sunnydale or Oxnard.” She put her hand on her forehead. “I seem to remember something else about the founding fathers of Rocky Hill building specifically to suit the kinds of businesses they wanted to come in.”
“Well, that certainly describes Win and William.”
Buffy held a hand up to look at her palm. “I’m getting wrinkly. It’s time to get out.” She grabbed her towel off the stool, and she stood up. The cooling water ran down her body in silvery rivulets. “I’m starved too.”
“Toss me a towel, pet.” Spike rose to step out of his own tub. He flashed Buffy a pale butt before she tossed him a towel. “The ones at home are softer and fluffier,” he complained while he dried off.
“Yeah,” Buffy agreed, but she dried herself off thoroughly before she pulled on the clean dress picked out Elizabeth’s wardrobe. She realized that her counterpart was a bit plumper and not as in shape as her Slayer body was. “I’m fat, aren’t I?”
Spike gave Buffy a heated look. “Just more of you to love, pet.” He stalked across the room to help her button up her dress. “I can’t wait to start.”
“We’re gonna have sex while in their bodies?” Buffy had a shocked look on her face. She backed away from Spike with her hands in the air. “We can get pregnant in these bodies, Spike. No!”
Spike pursued Buffy’s retreat until she bumped into the wall. Then, he trapped her with his body. “I think I’d know if I had a cousin besides Meade.” He slid the back of his hand down Buffy’s cheek. He gripped her chin before he leaned down to cover her mouth with a kiss.
Buffy moaned when heat curled through her stomach and settled in her pelvis region. It didn’t matter what incarnation Spike took, she responded to his animal magnetism like a bitch in heat. Her nipples hardened to painful points that made her wish he’d do something besides kiss her. Buffy slid her arms around his middle, and she rubbed her hands up his back where she gripped the back of his shoulders. She pulled him closer to her.
Spike put his thigh between Buffy’s legs, and he pressed his leg against her pussy. He missed having his extrasensory powers again. He loved the way the Slayer smelled when she was turned on. He was so into Buffy, he didn’t hear the bathhouse door open.
“Ooops. Sorry about that, Will.” Win spun around to let Spike and Buffy finish what they were doing. “I keep forgetting that you’re a newlywed, my good man. Don’t let me interrupt.”
Spike pulled away from Buffy with a sigh. “Don’t worry about it, Win. The missus and I were just talkin’ about babies.”
“That’s good news,” Win replied. “Maybe our children can grow up together. Closer than brothers, just like us.”
Spike leaned down to whisper in Buffy’s ear. “Until later, pet.” He pushed himself off the wall, and he went over to Win where he clapped the other man on the back. “I had an idea on how to get people to come to Rocky Hill. Let’s talk business.”
Buffy took the time to catch her breath. Her nipples and clit still ached from the sudden arousal that Spike had subjected them to. “Pull it together, Summers,” she whispered. “You’re in the middle of a crisis. You shouldn’t be thinking about jumping your boyfriend’s bones.”
Buffy put her hand on her mouth. “Spike’s my boyfriend.” Ever since she and Spike had hashed out their problems after his little lapse with Anya, she had been reluctant to call their relationship anything because she was worried that she’d jinx it up for them. They had been friendly, and the banter had been fun, but they had kept the smoochies and shagging session down to a minimum. “And we’re married.”
“Something wrong, luv?” Spike glanced over at Buffy with a worried look on his face.
Buffy shook her head. “Nope. Just realized something important.”
“Oh, what’s that?”
A smirk played along Buffy’s lips, and she wiggled her eyebrows at him. “You’ve made me the happiest woman in the world.”
“I’d like to take a gander at the wedding invites,” Spike teased.
Win looked back and forth between William and Elizabeth. “What are you two talking about?”
Buffy grinned. “We’re married.”
“And?” Win was confused.
Spike clapped Win on the shoulder again. “Don’t worry about it, mate. It’s just her way of teasin’ me. It was like I was under a magical spell when I proposed to my sweet Elizabeth.”
Win gave Spike a suspicious look. Then, his face cleared as if he dismissed whatever thought was on his mind. “You’re a card, Will. A real card.”
Buffy’s stomach growled loud enough for the men to hear. “I’m hungry.”
“Obviously.” Spike held his arm out for Buffy. “Let’s go eat. We can tell Win here about our great idea on how to make Rocky Hill grow into a thriving metropolis.”
“I’d be happy with a town with more than our fancy hotel and a livery stable,” Win commented.
“Don’t forget the sanitarium. The workers will need places to live,” Buffy said.
“Right. I should probably be writing this down.” Win patted his pockets until he found a small notebook and a stub of a pencil. “Housing for sanitarium workers.”
Spike, Buffy, and Win approached the lobby of the hotel where Buffy noticed Juan standing near the hotel entrance. She patted Spike’s arm. “I’m going to go check on our little friend. Make sure that Devil Horse of yours didn’t hurt him or anything.”
“Don’t take too long, luv.” Spike petted Buffy’s arm. As she made her way across the lobby, Spike turned to Win. “My idea is to build the area to suit the types of business owners we want to come to our town.”
“Where on earth are we going to get the money for that?” Win asked.
“I have some investment plans. We need to go into the City though so we can wire the choices back East.”
Buffy approached Juan with a smile. “Young Mr. Rodriquez. How are you? Was our horse on his best behavior?”
“Oh si, senora. He was a perfect gentleman. I was just wondering though. Would you like a cat? It’s a girl cat too,” the raggedy little boy asked. He held a small white kitten out to Buffy.
“How adorable,” Buffy said. She leaned down to look at the small cat. “Is he from your father’s livery stable?”
“No, my friend Kevin rescued her from his father.” Juan leaned in as if telling a secret. “Kevin’s father likes to use them in poker games.”
“Is this boy bothering you?” Mr. Gibson rushed to Buffy’s side.
Buffy straightened, and she laid a hand on Gibson’s arm. “Not at all. He was just offering to sell me a kitten.”
Gibson wrinkled his nose. “I know where I can procure you a pedigreed animal.”
“I’m not the type of girl that wants a pedigreed pet.” Buffy’s eyes drifted to Spike who was talking to William’s business partner, Sherwin Wyndam-Pryce. “In fact, I’m pretty sure I prefer one that’s a bit on the wild side.”
“I… oh…” Gibson had no idea what to say. He didn’t want to upset the boss’ wife too much. He wrinkled his nose at the child still clutching the kitten. “Well, if you’re sure.”
“I am.” Buffy smiled at Juan. She took the small animal from him, and she was surprised to find that the kitten was clean and combed. Buffy held the kitten up in front of her to let her peer into its eyes. “What’s your name?”
“Meeeerow,” the kitten said.
“Oh, it’s you, I suppose.” Buffy shook her head. She recognized the Skald Hill ghost cat’s voice. “How about Satori?”
“Meeeerow,” the kitten said, and then, it started to purr.
Buffy giggled. “Satori it is. Thank you, Juan. Let’s go get some coins from Mr. Jamison, shall we?” She laid her hand on the boy’s shoulder, and she led him towards Spike and Win.
“So, a trip into Los Angeles proper, then, old man?” Win asked Spike as Buffy and Juan approached.
Spike gave an affirmative nod before he turned to Buffy. He spotted the cat in her arms. “Found a new friend, luv?”
“This is Satori, the ghost cat.” Buffy smiled. “Juan here wanted her to find a new home. I have bought her for us.”
“Ah,” Spike said with a nod. He patted around his pockets until he found several coins which he handed to Juan. “Now, we must go out of town for a few weeks. I want to know if you would take care of Devil Horse for us while we’re gone. Make sure he gets some exercise and behaves himself.”
“Si, senor, I can do that.” Juan nodded his head wildly. “I will treat Diablo as if he were my own.”
“Good man.” Spike placed his hand on Juan’s shoulder. He was being nice. Not like the evil big bad he knew himself to be. Spike wondered if it was the Slayer’s influence or that of the soul of the body that he occupied. “Now, I’ll pay you a dollar a day for your work.”
“Senor! You are the best,” Juan crowed. “Mi padre will be so proud of me.” His smile was bright enough to make the whole room shine.
Gibson sneered at the boy. “You shouldn’t treat that kind better than they deserve.”
Spike turned cold eyes on the hotel manager. “If you want to keep your job, you need to keep your opinions to yourself, Gibson. I will treat whoever I bloody well please in whatever manner I desire.”
“Oh, boy,” Buffy muttered under her breath. She grabbed Spike’s arm. “Honey, Gib here isn’t the kind of person we normally threaten.”
Juan pulled on Spike’s sleeve. “Senor, I’m used to this kind of thing. Please don’t.” He was a bit scared of Gibson. While the bosses were away, the man never had anything good to say about anything, but he didn’t want to cause any trouble.
“My name is not Gib!” Gibson wasn’t at all happy about the Jamison’s and the way they were speaking to him. He was an important man. He put his finger into Buffy’s face. “Scum like this boy will ruin this nation!”
“I suggest you back away from m’girl, Gibson,” Spike growled. He stepped between Gibson and Buffy.
Gibson scowled at Spike. “I don’t have to take this kind of treatment. I can get a job anywhere I want.”
Win stepped up beside Spike. “Then, I guess you better take one of those jobs, Mr. Gibson. It’s never good to get in your employer’s face.”
“Fine, I didn’t want to be part of this one horse hick town anyway.” Gibson stormed away.
Win let out a big sigh. “Now what? We’re down one hotel manager.”
Juan looked like he was about to cry. “I’m sorry, senors, senora. I didn’t mean to make trouble.”
“You didn’t,” Win said while he laid a hand on Juan’s shoulder. “Gibson has been unhappy ever since he moved here. We just need to find someone to take his place.”
Juan bit his lip for a few minutes. “My friend Kevin’s father needs a job. He’s got a skin condition, and he likes kittens, but he’s nice.”
“What is Kevin’s father’s name then, young man?” Win asked.
“Clement Nemes the tenth,” Juan replied. “His cousin is also called Clement, only he’s the eleventh. I think it’s confusing.”
Spike raised his eyebrow. He winked at Buffy before he turned his attention to Juan. “Would this skin condition include bluish skin with big wrinkles?”
Juan nodded. “Si, senor.”
Buffy’s stomach growled, interrupting the meeting. “Sorry,” she said in a sheepish voice. “I’m really hungry.”
“Let’s have dinner, discuss this further, and later Mr. Rodriquez can take me to see Mr. Nemes.” Win gestured towards the small café like restaurant off the hotel lobby.
“I’ll go sit over there,” Juan said. He pointed at one of the plush seats.
Buffy put her hand on Juan’s shoulder. “No, I think you deserve some dinner too. Join us.” She led him towards the restaurant.
Originally posted at https://seasonal-spuffy.dreamwidth.org/323525.html