I shall soldier on. Here is a Ficlet, a little taste of a possible new beginning.
Rating – PG13
Medium – Ficlet
Title – A Taste
Other Info – Set after S6 BtVS episode one “Bargaining” – veers off from there.
No one ever tells you how to cope in these situations. There’s no rule book, no idiot’s guide, no parental diatribe. It’s not easy; it’s painful, harsh, real and hard. So very hard. So very lonely. I look at those around me, oblivious, faithful few. It hurts to even look at them now, no not all of them, two of them. Just two, the two I blame. The two who betrayed me, I watched them as they planned, saw their heart’s intent. The others I can’t blame, won’t blame. It wasn’t their fault.
So I sit, in my mother’s house, in her living room, on her couch. The one she died on. Why didn’t we get rid of it? I feel sick to my very soul. I’m surrounded by people making too much noise, expecting answers, all except one. I saw him too, whilst I drifted in Heaven. That’s where I was, Heaven. It didn’t have a name or an Almighty God, or Pearly Gates. But it was Heaven nonetheless. My attention is drawn to him now, stood quietly, so still it seems unnatural for him, by the kitchen door. Our eyes meet and he sees me, knows me. I break the gaze but I don’t want to, I’m being called by an insistent noise. It’s one of the betrayers.
“Are you okay? Can we do anything for you?” The worried frown makes me feel worse, not better, but I’m biding my time. Formulating my own plans. I need some peace.
“I’m…” My voice is dry and scratchy; it hurts to speak so I choose my words carefully. “I want to rest…too bright, too loud.”
Thankfully, they all get ready to leave, muttered platitudes waft towards me but I don’t have the energy to catch them. I turn my head just in time to capture his gaze before he leaves too. I plead with my eyes, hoping he understands and signal imperceptibly to the upstairs. He looks puzzled but gives a quick nod before leaving silently through the back door.
My house guests, if you can call them that, retire to my mother’s old bedroom. My sister hugs me and that warms me just enough to solicit a smile and a tear. I have to give her something else too though, I fear her heart might break otherwise and I can’t live with the guilt of that. Huh, live, how ironic! And so, I grasp her hand as she turns with tears in her eyes and I hug her fiercely. She sobs and holds on tight and we stand there, on the first step of the stairs, for an immeasurable amount of time until she heads to her own room too.
I drift upstairs on a cloud of jumbled thoughts and enter my room. It hasn’t changed, I didn’t expect it had but it was a shock all the same that nothing had moved at all. I went straight to the window and opened it. He was sitting on a branch of the tree outside and I beckoned him in, my finger to my lips indicating my desire for silence for the time being. His heavy boots made a dull thud as he landed but that was the only sound in the room save for my own breathing. His head tilted, his hands busily trying to find something else to do other than what they wanted. His eyes held a plethora of questions and declarations that I was almost ready for but not yet. First I had to lay out my thoughts, my knowledge and my plans.
“Spike… I need your help.” I uttered as loudly as I dared knowing who else was in this house.
The shock of hearing me say his name coupled with the request nearly floored him, the strongest fighter I know. But he regrouped faster than I expected and his voice broke slightly as he replied. “Anything for you Luv. Anything Buffy.”
I hope you enjoyed some of my contributions to Seasonal_Spuffy. If I can squeeze a few more Drabbes out before the end of the day then I shall post more this evening but until then, au revoir mes amie!
Originally posted at http://seasonal-spuffy.livejournal.com/181232.html