- Fic – Nocturnal Emissions – First of several chapters
- Fic – Nocturnal Emissions – Chapter Two
- Fic – Nocturnal Emissions – Chapter Three
- Fic – Nocturnal Emissions – Chapter Four
- Fic – Nocturnal Emissions – Chapter Five
- Fic – Nocturnal Emissions – Chapter Six
- Fic – Nocturnal Emissions – Chapter Seven
- Fic – Nocturnal Emissions – Chapter Eight
- Fic – Nocturnal Emissions – Chapter Nine
- Fic – Nocturnal Emissions – Chapter Ten
- Fic – Nocturnal Emissions – Chapter Eleven
Fic: Nocturnal Emissions
Author: Miss Murchison
Summary: Buffy thinks Spike has a problem. Spike thinks Buffy is jealous and needs a nap. As you can tell from the title, I have not been guilty of good taste.
This is an alternative Season 6 where there is no angst. Assume Buffy didn’t die at the end of Season 5, or, if she did, she was glad to get back. Don’t go looking for any huge problems among the canon characters. They’re not there, although all is not sweetness and light. Which is good, because we all know how bad light is for Spike.
Length of completed story: About 9,000 words
Thanks: To my wonderful betas, keswindhover and revdorothyl, to enigmaticblues for the comm, and to my family for leaving me alone long enough to finish this story. Maybe they’ll repeat the favor so I can finally enjoy the other entries from this round.
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. Only the lame plots and dialogue herein are mine.
“You’re quite sure, Tara?” Giles was annoyed. There were few things he liked less than being asked to help Spike, and this particular problem was more distasteful than usual.
But Tara nodded her head, and Tara was, unfortunately in this case, someone upon whose judgment you could rely. “I sensed it. Remember that I borrowed Canis Illegitima’s treatise from you a few months ago? There’s a section called ‘Daemon amatori,’ and it described the aura very clearly.”
“Ah, you’ve read Canis. Well, then, I suppose it was indeed a succubus, or, more properly a succuba, if it’s female. You are sure it was female, Spike?”
Spike was pacing back and forth. “Why does everyone think I can’t tell the difference! It was lying on top of me and we were both naked. Boobies, present. Pussy, present. Wang, absent. Ergo, Female.” He looked almost haggard. Well, if Tara was right, he was being literally hag-ridden.
Willow jumped into the discussion. “I thought the males were called incubi.”
“A different species entirely. Incubi are uglier, and they have no presence at all in the non-dreaming world. Buffy wouldn’t have been able to touch an incubus.” Anya gave Willow’s hand a condescending pat. “But don’t feel too bad, it’s a common mistake.”
Willow’s eyes narrowed. “It’s not the only common thing in this room.”
“And they’re off!” Dawn rolled her eyes.
“And I’m going to be raptus regaliter if you lot don’t stop yapping and start figuring out how to get rid of Miss Fatal Attraction,” snapped Spike.
“Raped regularly?” Buffy’s nose wrinkled as she tried to follow the suddenly Latinate conversation.
“Close,” said Anya. “That means royally screwed. But there’s nothing royal about a succuba. They’re kind of trashy, actually. One-night stand kinds of girls. I don’t think this one will hang around.”
“She’s gone after Spike at least twice,” Dawn pointed out.
“Not the first lady who couldn’t resist an encore.” Spike winked at Buffy.
She frowned back at him. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you? Getting to have your fling and be faithful too?”
“Better than getting my knickers in a twist over nothing.”
“You having sex with someone else is not nothing!”
Spike glared and stormed out the back door, closely followed by Buffy. The Scoobies could hear a loud discussion that included the phrases, “paranoia,” and “over-sexed pig” before the voices faded into the distance.
Anya shook her head. “Buffy does seem to be overreacting, and I say that from the point of view of a demon who’s generally on the ladies’ side.”
“Don’t,” said Willow in a choked voice.
“It’s not Buffy’s fault, Ahn,” said Xander. “Angel left her, and then Riley. And her dad never comes around. She expects guys to leave her, so…”
“Well,” said Giles, standing up, “Since it’s obvious Spike doesn’t desire my assistance…” He stopped as he realized Dawn was standing between him and the front door, her arms folded across her chest and her face frozen in an expression that he’d last seen when he’d tried to listen to the classical station while driving her home from school.
She spoke slowly and evenly. “No skeezy demon is going to break up Buffy and Spike, because if it does Buffy’s going to be upset and Spike won’t come around and I’ll have to start hanging around his crypt again and he doesn’t have cable.”
“Well, we can’t have you doing without MTV…” Giles started in his most ironic tone.
Dawn interrupted brutally. “And Spike will start drinking, and probably fight with a bunch of demons and make them mad, and Buffy will cry and beat up some more demons, and then they’ll be so distracted you’ll have to go on patrol with all those angry demons around, and you know Willow will try to fix it with a spell, and then…”
Giles threw up a hand in defeat, and turned to sit down at the table again. “Tara, do you happen to remember which chapter of Canis that was?”
Dawn scanned the room to make sure everyone except Xander, who didn’t count, was back at work. Then she announced she’d make tea and went into the kitchen.
Xander followed her, saying that popcorn would also be needed. “Good psychology, Dawn,” he whispered when they were alone.
“Yeah,” she said smugly. “I didn’t even have to get as far as all the stupid stuff you’d start doing.”
“Me? What would I…”
“Oh, please. Tell me you haven’t been trying to figure out how to get a succuba of your own.”
Originally posted at http://seasonal-spuffy.livejournal.com/258072.html