Fic Before I Take That Walk, pt.2

This entry is part 2 of 4 in the series Before I Take That Walk
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Title: Before I Take That Walk, Pt.2
Rating
NC-17
Summary: Spike sobers up after Lovers Walk and wonders why he wants to go back to a cheating Dru anyway. Buffy, meanwhile, tries to get a handle on a future that won’t include Angel. Can two broken hearts find an island of comfort in each other’s arms and then just walk away?
Setting: S3 after Lovers Walk, a short PWP
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, ME, WB, Fox are the sole owners of all involved with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. Thanks to Joss he allows us to play in his sandbox. I derive no compensation for these flights of fancy. The story concept is my “creation” as is all dialogue not in any original story script.


It was like the perfect storm: three great powerful forces all converging on the same luckless establishment. Willie’d had a bad feeling from the time Spike swaggered into ‘The Alibi’ and now that he could see the Slayer and her pet vamp headed into his establishment, one from the back entrance and the other kicking in the front door, his worst fears were confirmed. He really needed to get into a different business!

Angel spotted Buffy immediately, as she did him. But neither of them noticed the bleached blond vampire hunkered down in a booth nursing a bottle of cheap Scotch. Spike, however, noticed the doomed lovers as soon as they entered the bar. “This ought to be good. Little preview of the waterworks to come.”

Spike mentally acted out the drama of the latter day Romeo and Juliet of the creatures of the night set. ‘Oh, Angel,’ he thought in a high-pitched inner voice, ‘Why must you be so cruelly cursed? I’ll never love again!’
His mental voice dropped a few octaves, ‘Buffy my sweet, young, nubile bit of fluff, you know I would stay and be your true love and champion but never at the cost of my shiny soul.’

Again he imagined Buffy speaking, ‘Yes, my beloved, you are too, too good to risk such a loss. Forget all those ruined lives and tortured people in your past. Never mind the killings and rapes, the women you drove mad. That was all the Evil Angelus, not you! You are a hero! You have your soul back now and must be allowed to brood in peace, your mighty overgrown brow in deep furrows of sorrow.’

Spike let out a small laugh as he heard his mental Angel reply, ‘I will love you until I am dust, or until I lose the soul again, or meet another cute young blond, whichever comes first.’

Spike’s musing were cut short as he settled in to watch the real show.

“Buffy! What are you doing in this place? You don’t need to be here with these lowlifes.” Angel started to reach for his ex-girlfriend and steer her towards the door and out of the seedy bar.

‘That’s right, you big hero, save the poor defenseless Slayer from doin’ what she’s been called to do,’ thought Spike. ‘She could take you and the rest of this room without breakin’ a sweat and you know it!’

Buffy pulled her arm from Angel’s light grip and glared daggers at him. She really wasn’t in the mood to see him, much less be rescued by him when she didn’t need it. “I’m here doing my job, Angel. Remember me, ‘chosen one’, all mystically empowered and all?”

“You tell him, sister! ‘Bout time somebody put the Poof in his place. Always had to be the big man, the one callin’ all the shots. Huh! Slayer’ll take him down a peg or two now.” Spike would have been willing to pay to see that happen to his grandsire. “Arrogant prig needs a pin put in him if you ask me,” he muttered softly as he took a swig directly from the bottle.

Angel turned his wounded puppy eyes on Buffy and lowered his head for further effect. “Buffy, why are you angry with me? I can’t help the way the gypsies worded that curse.” He lowered his voice so that only a Slayer or another Vampire could possibly hear him. “You know how it’s killing me to be so close to you and not be able to touch you, hold you, love you. Don’t tell me I can’t care. Don’t say I can’t help take some of the burden from you.”

Buffy instinctively responded as she always had in their relationship. “I’m sorry Angel. I know it’s not your fault. I’m the one who caused you to lose your soul anyway. If I’d been more patient and we had made sure of things, maybe it wouldn’t have happened.” She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the hurt on her beloved’s face. “I really can’t do this now, Angel. I have to get in here and ask some questions. It’s my job, not yours.”

Spike shook his head in amazement at how Angel had managed to get the Slayer to take on all the guilt for his turn as Angelus without ever saying a word. He thought in disgust, ‘Poor bint. He’s got her wrapped around his diabolical little finger. Gonna send the Slayer ‘round the bend too, like he did Dru, if he’s not careful. Not much different with the bleedin’ soul, if you ask me.’

“I do appreciate you wanting to help, Angel, but I really need to work out some aggression anyway. Why don’t you go home? You never liked it here anyway and I need to get used to handling things like this by myself. We both know you aren’t always going to be here at my side.” Buffy looked ready to cry.

‘Come on, buck up, Slayer! Peaches isn’t some high school boy with a fresh heart to be broken by the likes of you. He’s got a hundred years on me and I’ve been around long enough to know my way about. Don’t let him sucker you in with the sad looks and the manipulated guilt. You’re the innocent one!’ Spike’s thoughts were making him begin to actually care about the young girl being twisted sidewise by the older, craftier vampire.

“Please, Buffy, let me do this for you at least.” Angel looked at her with pleading eyes. Somehow if he could only be some part of her life, it wouldn’t be completely over.

“No, Angel, I mean it! I can’t be around you right now. Spike was right; we aren’t friends. We talked about that last night. You aren’t even a Scooby anymore. The gang still gets the wiggins around you since last year’s ‘lets suck the whole world into hell after killing pet fish and computer teachers’ disaster,” Buffy lashed out.

Angel’s head dropped even lower and Buffy immediately felt terrible for blaming him for Angelus’ actions. “God, I am so sorry, Angel. I know you didn’t do any of that. It was Angelus. I know that and I really don’t blame you. But the guys, they don’t get it. I’m sorry, I’m all Bitca Buffy tonight. Please, just go home. I promise to drop by tomorrow and we can talk, okay?”

‘How does he DO that?’ Spike wondered. ‘Actually got the Slayer actin’ like Angelus and Angel are two different people, like he wasn’t even there while Angelus was off bein’ a right arse.’ Spike was stunned that Buffy was so beguiled, or perhaps just misinformed. True, Spike had no real idea of how the whole soul thing worked, but he knew Angelus well. He had no problem seeing plenty of Angelus in Angel and would bet his next dinner that Angel was right there while Angelus was puttin’ it to Dru and working on universal destruction, no matter what the Poof had told the little blonde.

‘Angelus goes off on a killin’ spree like a right mad dog. Nearly drags everythin’ into hell, for fuck’s sake! Killed the Watcher’s woman, tried to send all the little do-gooders ‘round the bend, especially the Slayer…and she’s feelin sorry for HIM! Makes a fella wonder if he isn’t Angelus after all, with the mind games.’ Spike shook his head again in amazement.

Spike continued to watch as Angel proceeded to do as he pleased instead of what the little Slayer asked. Angel began to ask for information on some vamp named Trick while Buffy stood, eyes closed in exasperation.

Naturally, no one knew a thing about any vampire, be they named Trick OR Treat. Angel was once more trying to physically guide Buffy out of Willie’s. “Come on, Buffy, no one’s talking tonight. We can try later.”

Much to all their surprise, Buffy dug in her heels and once again pulled away from the domineering vampire. “Go home, Angel. I have work to do. Really, just go home. I don’t want to be angry with you.”

Angel took a deep breath and let it out in one long, hurt-filled sigh. He turned slowly from the Slayer and began to move toward the door. Spike could tell from the speed, or lack thereof, that Angel was counting on Buffy calling him back with an apology for not appreciating all his help and good intentions. She didn’t and Angel left defeated.

As Buffy stood, head down and eyes closed, she heard the sound of applause from the corner booth. “Good on you, Slayer, not lettin’ the Poofter bully you.”

She whirled quickly and saw the shock of white blond hair that topped a smiling vampire. A vampire that was supposed to be long gone on his way south to the vampiress he had been willing to do anything to win back only a day before.

“Spike!” Buffy moved towards the booth, fingering the stake in her hand in a way that made the slightly inebriated vampire a bit nervous. In all their past dealings they had danced a pretty dance but not really harmed each other, in a lethal way at least. Spike hoped his luck would hold.

“Thought you were off chaining Dru up and torturing her into love?”

“Yeah, well I sobered up then, didn’t I?” Spike decided the girl could do with a bit of honesty after all the half-truths and outright lies his grandsire had been heaping around the girl. “Decided to let her come to me when she’s ready. I’ve taken care of her, loved her for a century. Not bloody likely she’ll just walk away from that for long. She’s the one put the horns on me.” He took another drink from his bottle.

“She put horns on you? Where are they?” Buffy was confused by the expression and was looking like she wanted to push aside his hair in search of little pointy growths.

Spike laughed once bitterly and explained, “Old fashioned term, love, for her cheating on me. Not really sure where it came from, so I can’t help you there, but that’s what it means.” He ran a hand through his hair, loosening it from the gel and freeing some curls, “See? No growths.”

Buffy gulped slightly as she found herself mesmerized by Spike’s large, graceful hands and the altogether too sweet curls they had released. When he looked at her she found herself wondering why she had never noticed how very blue his eyes were. Really, he was almost pretty in a manly, or rather vampirely, way. Buffy shook her head as if to clear it.

“So you decided to come back here and be a pain in my ass, is that it?” she demanded

“That was the idea, gotta admit, but felt a bit more like numbin’ the pain a bit and catching a bit of a kip first,” Spike admitted.

“What’s a kip?” Buffy felt like she was stuck in some weird universe where no one spoke her language and she was utterly lost.

“Kip would be a nap in this case. Actually, if I get very lucky I’ll just pass out and be completely out for a lot longer than a little kip.” Spike raised the bottle again to drink only to feel Buffy’s hand grasp his wrist and stop him.

“Spike, it isn’t really my business, and God only knows why I even care, but don’t you think you’ve had more than enough to drink? You were completely toasted yesterday and you’re working at least double tonight. Maybe you don’t need your liver, but this can’t be healthy. One of the demons in here might follow you out and dust your sorry ass and you wouldn’t be able to stop them as ploughed as you’re gonna be.” Buffy was surprised at how sad the concept made her and fairly amazed she had bothered to say anything to the lovesick vampire.

“Bloody well hurts too much when I’m sober, pet,” Spike confided. “She was my first, my only love, don’t you see?” Buffy moved the bottle before his hand could reach it.

“Yeah, I get that. Angel was mine. I know I haven’t spent the last century loving him, but I get the feelings. Part of me would love to crawl into a bottle too,” Buffy admitted.

“Sorry about scarin’ your mum yesterday. Didn’t mean her any harm, you know. Nice lady, your mum. She was listenin’ to my woes and tryin’ to sober me up with hot chocolate when you got there. I started to explain until I saw Angel outside and couldn’t resist playin’ at bitin’ your mum. She’s safe from me, Slayer, word of honor. Not too many people have shown any kindness my way. I treasure those that do.” Buffy could see the sincerity in his azure eyes. Somehow she had known that her mother had never been in any danger.

In fact, Buffy had not even considered having a disinvite done on Spike, not last year when she had only his word that he would leave and not after the previous night’s drama. Spike had an invitation that had not been revoked from the night they first called a truce to defeat Angelus. It had never occurred to Buffy, not once, that he would abuse the invitation by coming in to harm her or her mother. She didn’t know why she knew he could be trusted that way, but she did.

“It’s all right, Spike. Mom wasn’t scared of you. She was confused with me trying to stake you and finding out about Willow. She was also still scared of Angel, but all she said today was that she hoped you didn’t get your feelings hurt when she didn’t speak up for you.” Buffy rolled her eyes at the memory but was still able to appreciate the gleam in Spike’s eye and the softening of his facial expression at the information.

“Not gonna offer any advice about the Poofter. Know you’d just ignore anything I had to say anyway. Shame to see you get your heart tromped on by the git though.” Spike looked at Buffy’s flushed face and saw a glimpse of the fragile girl in the strong Slayer body. “Meant that applause. Takes backbone to stand up to Angel in full puppy dog mode. You stood your ground well, should be proud.”

“I’m not proud. I’m sad and hurt and scared.” For some reason Buffy was feeling like she could pour out her deepest fears in front of this demon and not have cause to regret it. “How about another truce for a while? Neither of us is in top form to fight each other right now and I’m just too tired to work up the energy.” She really didn’t want to have to stake the insightful, heartbroken vampire she was sharing a booth with at present.

“Fine with me, Slayer. Not too inclined to sink my fangs into that pretty neck of yours either right now.” He sighed and began to relax a bit as Buffy laid the stake on the table and moved her hand away from it.

“I get the sad and hurt, love, but what’s got you scared? That something to do with the vamp you were askin’ about? ‘Cause, gotta tell ya, I’ve never heard of any real big bad named Trick! If he’s causin’ you problems, I’ll take him out for ya. You’re MY Slayer and no other vamp’s gonna get the pleasure,” Spike declared.

Buffy giggled at the realization that Spike had basically said he wouldn’t let any other vampire kill her because that was his privileged territory alone. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to feel comforted or threatened and thought maybe Spike wasn’t too sure either.

“So, what’s got you scared, Slayer? You’re the best I’ve seen, and I’ve seen more than a few. Take a lot to scare a downy bird like yourself.” He tilted his head in a look of curiosity.

Buffy looked around at the handful of demons still at Willie’s, all watching the two of them sitting and talking. She was certain more than one was trying their hardest to hear every word they spoke. “Let’s get out of here, Spike. You aren’t in fit shape to get anywhere safely without protection and I want the company.”

“Hey, I’ll have you know I can still take out every demon in this bar if I want to!” Spike said indignantly. The demons began to look more than a little nervous at that declaration, several choosing that moment to suddenly remember a pressing engagement elsewhere.

“Yeah, whatever,” Buffy said with a laugh. “So where are you staying?”

“Got a room at the Sunnyhell Inn over by the State Highway.” Spike realized he had just told the Slayer where he would be available for a proper staking at her leisure and covered, “Not stayin’ there beyond tonight, o’ course.”

“No, I didn’t think you were,” Buffy said with a wry grin. “Want some company? ‘Cause I really don’t feel much like going home right now. Mom’s out of town and the last thing I want is Angel popping up outside my window making sure I’m all right. I just can’t handle that right now.”

The two unlikely companions walked toward the seedy motel in comfortable silence for a while. Spike stumbled once and Buffy’s arm shot out to steady the tipsy vampire without her giving it a thought.

For some reason she was feeling more at peace than she had in quite a while. Maybe it was the knowledge that she wasn’t the only one on the planet with a seriously broken heart right now.

“That what got you scared? Angel showin’ up? Afraid you’ll give in to all those warm, fuzzy feelings and let the beast loose again?” Spike asked, getting right to the heart of things.

“Partly. I’m also afraid I won’t,” Buffy answered cryptically.

Spike looked at the Slayer with curiosity before deciding to press for more details. The girl clearly needed to unload these emotions on someone and her pals wouldn’t get why she still had warm fuzzies for the Poof after the whole Angelus disaster of the previous year. Of course, Spike couldn’t see the attraction either, but at least he could see the girl had real feelings for his grandsire. No one ever understood his devotion to Dru, for that matter.

“Wanna add a bit to that, pet? You can’t be wantin to make my sire a happy man again. Took a big enough toll on you and your little fan club the first go around. What are you afraid of then?” Spike wouldn’t push, but a gentle prod, an open invitation and an offer of a shoulder of comfort wouldn’t go amiss.

Buffy looked at Spike, trying to decide if he was asking so he could make fun of her if she answered. But she only saw real interest and more than a pinch of concern on the vampire’s face. It made no sense, but she felt he might actually understand.

“After…,” Buffy began with a voice shaking with nervousness, “you know…” She didn’t go on right away, the bright blush on her face indicating acute embarrassment about what she was thinking. Spike tilted his head slightly and leaned in a bit closer, looking directly into her eyes.

“I swear, pet, I won’t laugh or use anything you say against you. Got my own broken heart and issues, not likely to take it lightly for someone else.” He looked completely sincere and open.

“Angel lost his soul while we were sleeping. We’ve never talked about any of what happened really. He doesn’t remember most of what Angelus did and feels so bad about it all. I just don’t want to rub salt in the wounds, you know?”

“You’re a good lady, Buffy. Forgiving and loving. He doesn’t deserve you.” Spike was amazed at how this young girl was willing to take on the hurt herself to spare his grandsire from any guilt that he really deserved to feel.

“Not really.” Buffy smiled as Spike made a rude noise in response to her denial. “I wish I were good. I’m not really sophisticated or smart. Just ask Willow about my grades! I try to fight the good fight, but really I’d just love to be a normal teenage girl…so I’m no hero fighting for the right reasons. Basically, I got chosen and can’t get unchosen. I don’t have any choice…so ‘good lady’? Not so much.”

“You’re selling yourself short, Buffy. The goodness is there. You practically glow with it!” Spike surprised both Buffy and himself with this declaration. Buffy noticed his speech pattern was more educated too, more like Giles. Funny vamp! Lots more going on with Spike than she had guessed before, but then his truce with her should have told her that.

“Thanks, Spike. My mom’s a good lady. I’d love to be like that. Maybe someday I’ll be that. It’s nice that you see the possibility.” Buffy spoke softly, sadness in each syllable.

“Nonsense! Who’s been filling your head with this… this…nonsense? ” They had stopped walking and were standing across the street from the motel where Spike was staying. “Of course you aren’t sophisticated! You’re just a young girl. Takes years, if ever, for a woman to grow into that. As for forgiving, just look at how you aren’t blaming Angel for any of the hell he just put you through. Hell, look at how you treat me after all the times I tried to kill you, even setting the Order of Taraka on you!” Spike had begun to pace in his agitation.

“As for the rest…God, I could make lists and I don’t even know you nearly as well as these pals of yours. Your grades are amazingly good for someone that has to go out and save the world every night instead of studying. Like to see the grades of some others at that school of yours if they had half the responsibility. I’m a Master Vampire, pet. You lot have had plenty to laugh at me about since this whole thing with Dru’s set me back, but I’m a force to reckon with–just ask your Watcher. If you’re so bloody stupid, how are you able to beat me at every turn?”

He was just warming up and Buffy was warming right along with him, feeling amazingly pleased to hear his opinion of her. “You are so beautiful, you could easily be some queen bee at your school. Believe me, I met people who only thought they were special and superior, you’ve got it all over them. But you don’t really have any conceit! You picked the runts of the litter for your best mates and protect them like a mother hen.” Spike stopped pacing and took Buffy’s shoulders as he faced her. “Don’t even try to tell me you aren’t a good person, ‘cause I know better.”

Spike swallowed and begin to wish he’d kept his thoughts to himself. Saying things like what he had said might give the Slayer the wrong idea, as wrong as Dru’s. Still, he’d meant what he had said and the Slayer didn’t look upset by his words.

Buffy started to smile while her eyes teared up. No one had ever said anything like that to her and she would cherish the words even if they had come from her archenemy. The nicest part was that Spike didn’t seem to be even tipsy now, so she couldn’t just convince herself that it was the drink talking.

“Don’t cry, luv,” Spike instinctively drew Buffy into an embrace and tried to comfort her. “Now, tell Spike what you’re afraid of. You’ll feel better if you get it out.”

“Angelus said I was a bad lover. He was so hurtful that next morning, making fun of me.” She felt Spike’s arms tighten around her as she sobbed her pain into his chest. He was surprised at the amount of anger he was feeling on her behalf.

“Angelus is an arse. He was just saying what he knew would hurt the most. Don’t make it real, Buffy.” Spike knew words could injure far more than a physical attack and Buffy would always bear these scars.

“But Angel never has said anything different! Now I’ll never have another lover and never know if I really was that terrible!” Buffy hiccuped as she continued sobbing on the vampire’s comfortable chest. Spike began to massage her back in a soothing pattern as she tried to get a grip on her emotions.

“Don’t know why you think you’ll never have another lover. Any man would kill to have a chance to make love to you, pet. You were a virgin; no one with half a brain would expect you to have lots of skills in the bedroom. That’s something you learn from a good teacher,” Spike soothed the distraught Slayer.

Buffy would never know what prompted her next words, but they were whispered before she even thought to stop them. “Would you teach me, Spike?”

If Buffy had grown to sixteen feet high, sprouted a tail, horns and turned bright scarlet, it wouldn’t have surprised Spike more than her whispered question.

“Say what again, pet?”

Buffy took a deep breath and decided maybe it wasn’t such a crazy idea after all. Spike wouldn’t be expecting any emotional commitment from her. He was hurting from Dru’s infidelities too. As she thought about it, nothing made better sense at all. “Would you teach me? Teach me how to be a good lover? How to be a woman who can please a man?”

Spike gulped and closed his eyes as the world suddenly began to spin around him. “Sure,” he said simply.

 

Originally posted at http://seasonal-spuffy.livejournal.com/40386.html

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