Who needs a therapist anyway by Waddiwasiwitch (Mature)

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Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise.

Rating: Mature

Setting: Comics season 10. (I haven’t read the last fewvolumes as of yet.)

Note: I’ve never had any experience of therapy and this is just a silly story. No offence intended.

Title: Who needs a therapist anyway?

Summary: Xander has a new therapist and Dawn doesn’t like her. Could it be jealousy or something else? Spike and Buffy are the example of a healthy relationship. Who knew? Spuffy of course but also some Dawn/Xander, sorry if that’s not your thing.

Notes: Just rushing to publish this to meet deadline, I will have to go back as I am sure I will find typos.

Who needs a therapist anyway?

Xander Harris looked up as his name was called. His palms were a little sweaty and he took a deep breath.
The receptionist looked up from his desk, “Mr Harris?”
“That’s me, I’m him.” He laughed nervously, “I mean I’m me of course, but he is I.”
The woman just smiled and gestured in the direction of the office on the right. “The doctor will see you now.”
Xander pushed the door open and prepared to meet Dr Mike’s replacement. His therapist had a heart attack and was under strict orders not to return to work for some time. Right now, as far as Xander knew he was the beach sunning his pasty ass. Before he left the doctor had kindly recommended one of his colleagues. Behind the desk was a tall woman with wavy blonde hair and brown eyes. Her hair was put up at the back.
She stood up with a smile, “Hello – Mr Harris or may I call you Xander?”
Xander could feel his jaw drop as he took in the sheer gorgeousness of the owner of that voice.
“Xander’s fine.” Put your eyes back in.
The doctor held out a perfectly manicured hand and waved at him to take aa seat. Blushing, Xander realised he had stopped just inside the door. He hurried across the room and he took a seat across from the woman.
“Xander, I’m Dr Emily Mason. I’d just like to get to know you today and discuss where you are with your therapy.”


The local was busy but not yet packed. Spike and Xander had managed to commandeer one of the pool table at the back. This had become a strange tradition over the last few months. Who knew that he and the whelp could be civil to one another, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t antagonise one another.
“Emily’s great,” Xander potted his shot in the corner pocket. “I mean don’t get me wrong, Mike was an excellent therapist, but Emily has gotten me to admit to things that I didn’t even tell Mike. It’s like she’s a mind reader or something.”
“Bloody hell, Harris, don’t you think you can shut up about that damn head doctor? It’s all you can talk about for the last two bleedin’ weeks.”
“I am a new man, completely comfortable in my masculinity to admit that I need therapy.”
Spike waggled his eyebrows, “She’s gorgeous, isn’t she?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Spike.”
“She is, isn’t she?” Spike’s eyes narrowed and his blue gaze cut right through Xander. “I thought you were still pining after Nibblet.”
“Do you have to call her that, it’s creepy.”
“That’s what I thought when I found out you two had shacked up.”


Dawn scrunched her nose, “Ugh – it’s Emily this and Emily that.”
“I think you might be jealous, Dawnie,” Buffy teased.
“I’m not, but I don’t like her.” Dawn’s crossed arms and pout reminded Buffy distinctly of a time when she was little and refusing to drink hot chocolate with marshmallows.
Buffy took a sip of wine, “She’s his therapist, and I think therapy has done Xander good. He seems to be in a better place now.”
“Well, I’m sick of listening to him talk about her.”
“Ah – that settles it, you’re definitely jealous.” Buffy punched Dawn’s arm lightly. “If you have feelings for him, you should tell him.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Love is never simple.”
Dawn stuck out her tongue, “Ooh, look at you, all Doctor Love.”
“God – I wish. I’ve made more than my fair share of mistakes when it comes to men.”
“But things are good now..with Spike?”
“Yes – they’re good but it’s confusing too. Anyway, enough about me and my vampire.”
“Buffy, the Vampire Layer.”
“Dawn!” Buffy could feel the blush on her cheeks. When had her little sister become such a pervert? “Quit trying to change the subject!”
“Okay, okay.” Dawn sighed. “I never stopped caring about Xander, but I’m not the Dawn he remembers – I have the memories but I’m not her. I want to love him, I really do. Sometimes, I even think I do.”
Buffy put her arm around her sister, “Come on, let’s get some ice-cream.”
The pair walked into the kitchen. Dawn leaned against the table as Buffy searched through the freezer. “We have cookie dough, vanilla and chocolate.”
“Cookie dough!”
Buffy emerged with a tub of Ben and Jerrys while Dawn fetched two spoons.
“So, a chick flick?”
“I’m sure we can find something.”
“You know,” Buffy said thoughtfully, “There’s nothing wrong with holding off if you’re not fully baked.”
“Sorry – what?”
Buffy flushed, “Never mind, I mean ready.”
Dawn’s mouth twitched, “Does this have anything to do with cookie dough? I think I remember Angel mentioning something once.”
Buffy put her head in her hands, “No, no, I’m not talking about this.”
“Oh my god, Buffy!” Dawn dissolved into hysterics.
“Shut up!”
Dawn‘s hand went to her stomach as she bent over with laughter.
“Yeah, yeah!” Buffy glared at her younger sister. “Laugh at your sister who’s a lot stronger than you.”
Dawn scooted out of Buffy’s easy reach, “Come on, Buffy, you’ve got to admit that it is funny.”
“Shut up!” Buffy’s glare was only half hearted. “But Dawn, I mean it. Don’t go rushing into anything unless you’re ready. Make it for the right reasons.”
“Like you and Spike, you mean.” Dawn bumped her shoulder. “I’m glad things are working for you two.”
“Are you sure you are okay with it? You were angry with him for a long time?”
“Buffy, it doesn’t matter what I think. But, for the record, no – I’m not angry any more. I haven’t been for a long time.”


The club was thumping with loud music and thronged with warm bodies. Buffy, Dawn, Xander, Willow and Spike were huddled around a table near the dance floor. Giles had been forced to stay at home as he was technically underage (at least physically). The bitty watcher was less than impressed and there was much teasing at his expense especially when Andrew offered to babysit.
Xander reached for his wallet. “Anyone want a drink?”
“I’ll have another glass of wine, please,” Dawn replied.
“Spike? Buff?”
Spike shook his head and Buffy did the same.
“I’ll go with you to the bar,” Willow offered. “I want a drink too.”
“Ooh – I love this song.” Buffy grabbed him by the hand, “Let’s dance!”
She looked gorgeous and she wore her hair loose. Her pink tongue darted out her mouth and Spike felt his cock harden. What his girl could do to him. What he could do to her?
His eyes not leaving hers, he put down his pint of piss. American beer was not a patch on the lager from home, but needs must.
“Mind my pint,” he said to Dawn. “Don’t want anyone to nick it.”
Dawn rolled her eyes, “God forbid that you would have to buy a new one.”
“I’m a hard working vamp now, I’ve a new appreciation for money.”
Buffy tugged on his arm, “Come on, you dork. This song will over before we start dancing.”
“I hate Calvin Harris.”
Dawn waved them away, “Go. Dance! Be merry and leave us miserable singletons to pine over here.”
“Thanks, I’ll buy the next round,” he said just before Buffy pulled him into the crowd.
Their hands clasped tightly, she led him right into the middle of the dance floor. This was the honeymoon part of their relationship and he was determined to take full advantage of it. It still never ceased to amaze him that Buffy had agreed to a relationship with him; it was neither born of pity as had been the case in the last few months in Sunnydale or born of self loathing and lust as had been the case when they had last pursued a semblance of a relationship if one could even call it that before it had been torn asunder like the house they once fucked to the ground – shoddy foundations and thin walls. This time it would be different. Buffy put her hands on his waist and pulled him to her. This was a different kind of the dance. Even though the tempo of the song was song was fast, their movements were a lot slower.


A few hours later, when everyone else was sleeping off their hangover, Buffy and Dawn were munching cereal and drinking coffee at the kitchen table of their apartment.
“I need to talk to you about something.” Dawn bit at her lip. “Please, don’t laugh, but I think Xander’s therapist might be a demon.”
Buffy almost choked on her cereal. “Did you just say what I thought you said.”
“Uh-huh.” Dawn’s face was so pathetic and miserable. “Seriously, Buffy, I really think there is something off about that woman.”
“Dawn, are you really sure you’re not just looking to find a problem?”
“Please, Buffy, I know it sounds crazy. The bitch put her hand on Xander’s arm at the bar and when he came back he was acting odd and kept spacing out. Willow had to bring back my drink.”
“But, that could be anything.” Buffy searched her brain for an explanation. “Maybe he was trying to figure out a way to end world poverty?”
“Ha, ha.” Dawn abandoned her feeble attempt at eating and pushed away her bowl. “It doesn’t matter. Perhaps I am just imagining it, but it would be nice if my sister could have a little faith in me. After all, I’ve spent a lot of time around demons.”
“My sister’s good at emotional blackmail.” Buffy sighed, “And Xander’s always been a demon magnet.”
Dawn’s face lit up.
“No promises, but I’ll look into it.”


Spike put the car in park and turned off the engine, “You know, luv, we do have a lot of issues. Maybe we do need our heads examined?”
“Can you imagine trying to explain our relationship?”
Spike fiddled with the tie, “How did I let you talk me into wearing this?”
“Oh, you remember!” Buffy looked at him coyly from under her eyelashes.
“Will I get a repeat performance if I’m a good boy?”
“Maybe, you’ll have to wait to find out.”
“You’re the devil!”
“And you like it!” Buffy tugged on the tie and pressed her lips to his. He cupped his hands to her face and deepened the kiss. Despite the fact that they were already running late, she didn’t pull away.
When she finally had to pull away for air, she said, “I guess we should go inside. Relationship counselling – yay!”
“The things we do for love,” Spike said with a sigh.“The Bit owes us big time, yeah.”
“Don’t worry, I intend to cash in.”
They left the car and walked into the doctor’s office.
No sooner had they entered the office, then the receptionist, a tall thin woman, stood up. “Mr and Mrs Pratt?”
Spike took a moment before he registered the woman was talking to him. “Yes that’s us! Me and the Missus.”
He had not answered to that name in a very long time. Buffy was wearing a neutral expression, he wondered how she felt about being addressed as his wife. Of course, it was her idea. Summers might result in the doc twigging onto their plans. It was easier to use Spike’s given name even though he would continue to get a ribbing about said name for some time to come.
“It’s the first door on the right.”
“Thank you,” Buffy said.
Spike followed Buffy and they made their way to the door. Buffy tapped on the door.
“Please come in!”
Spike whispered in her ear, “You ready?”
Buffy pushed the door open and he followed close behind her. The doc was standing behind her desk. Spike’s jaw dropped. The woman was a stunner, no wonder Harris was taken with the bint.
Buffy elbowed him in the ribs, “The doctor was talking!”
Her mouth was pursed and her eyes were narrowed. He knew he was going to pay for this later, but they were supposed to be a couple in trouble so he could pretend he was just playing a part
Spike put his arm around Buffy, ‘Sorry, luv.”
Buffy pulled away from him and addressed the doctor, “So how does this therapy thing work anyway?”
“Take a seat, both of you.”
Buffy sat down on one of the two chairs facing the doctor’s desk and Spike plopped down on the other, “As I was saying, you can call me Emily. I would just like to talk about what you want from our sessions today.”
Emily held out her hand and Buffy shook it. When she extended her hand to Spike, he did the same. The moment he took the woman’s hand, he was close enough to sense it at last. The bint was definitely not human.
Letting her hand go, he said, “You’re not from around here, are you?”
She arched one of her brows, “Neither are you.”
“Sp- William is from England,” Buffy interjected.
“Oh, how did you two meet?”
“Work,” Spike replied. “You know how feelings can develop in the workplace.”
“Interesting.” Emily started to scribble in a writing pad.
“What’s interesting?” Buffy demanded. “I tell you what I think is interesting.”
The woman’s eyebrow raised, “Do continue.”
Her tone remained level, she was an excellent actress, but Spike guessed she knew exactly what was coming.
“You’re a demon.”
“And I know who you are; you’re one of the original Slayers. Buffy isn’t it? I’d say I’m pleased to meet you, but I’m not really.”
“And I’m William The Bloody, known as Spike these days. You might have heard of me.”
“It’s really fascinating – two creatures that should hate each other, both with the means and inclination to destroy one another, fall in love instead.”
“Cut the crap,” Buffy grabbed the woman by the collar of her jacket. “What have you been doing to my best friend?”
“What do you mean?”
Spike had to hand it to her, the woman had balls. He could hear her heart racing, but she showed none of her fear outwardly.
“Don’t play dumb, doc.” Spike went into game face and relished the flash of fear in her eyes.
“Okay, okay – I’m an empath.” The doc was stock still. “I feed on emotions, so this is the perfect job for me. I don’t hurt anyone, I swear.”
“I know you’ve been doing something to Xander, my sister saw you.” Buffy pressed her fingers against the demon’s windpipe. “ He was in a trance after meeting you in the club.”
“Buffy, luv, she won’t be able to answer you question if you don’t allow her to breathe.”
Reluctantly, Buffy relieved some of the pressure.
“I’m sorry.” Emily spluttered. “I swear it didn’t do him any harm.”
Buffy and Spike looked at one another.
The Slayer let go of the woman’s collar, “I think she’s telling the truth.”
Spike nodded, “You’re lucky we’re white hats, but make no mistake that doesn’t make us soft. The whelp is one of the Slayer’s best friends. Anything happen to him or anyone else and Buffy will be really angry.”
“And I’ll green and join the Avengers as well,” Buffy added drily.
“We are good friends with the local PD, things are different now,” Spike continued. “The police know what they are up against and are trained. You take one step out of line and we’ll come for you.”
“I promise I’ll keep my nose clean,” Emily straightened herself up. “I’m not a monster, I just lost control. It won’t happen again.”
“It better not.” Buffy glared at the doctor.
“Are you sure you don’t need a session? I’d even throw in the session for free.”
“Not a chance, doc. Now, just one more question and we’ll be on our merry way.” Spike did a cursory sweep of the room. “There don’t happen to be any surveillance cameras in here?”
“No,” Emily replied stiffly. “That would be highly unethical.”
‘Never mind about the fact that you have been using clients as food,” Spike pointed out.
“It’s not like that!”
Buffy turned her back on the demon, “Come on, Spike, let’s go. Sorry the sessions didn’t work out for you, Emily.”
The vampire smirked and followed. His girl was so sexy when she was mad.
“Leaving so soon?” the receptionist queried.
Buffy smiled at Spike and grabbed his hand, “We decided that we’re fine just the way we are, no therapy required.”
“Just like the old days, rescuing a Xander from a demon,” Spike muttered low in her ear. “A Xander in distress.”

The End


Originally posted at http://seasonal-spuffy.livejournal.com/519329.html