Point of View, Part 4, Willow

Two more parts after this.

Point of View, Part 4, Willow
Rating: PG-13
Summary: One relationship from many angles. Set after Lies My Parents Told Me in S7.
Pairing: Spike and Buffy, of course

I’ve got no problem with Buffy loving Spike. I mean, who am I to turn up my nose at someone else’s alternative lifestyle? Hello, gay here. I know what it’s like to be outside the mainstream.

So she’s alive, he’s dead. So what? As long as they’re happy… Not a problem, for me, at least. Besides, I’ve got my own snuggle buddy – with a pierced tongue, yet. I bet Buffy would like to know what that’s like.

So, no jealousy here, no sir-ee.

I did the guy thing. Gave it a good try. It’s just not my bag.

Not that Oz wasn’t a great guy, I mean, he was the best. But I’m the girl who goes for the alfalfa sprouts when everybody else is having kielbasa, if you know what I mean.

OK, I’ll come clean. Spike sort of gives me the heebie-jeebies. It’s not just that he’s a vampire. Angel was a vamp. I never had any problem with him – OK, when he was evil and killing people, yeah, that was a problem. But most of the time, we were OK with each other.

I just got back from a quick trip to LA to see Angel. Well, not exactly to see him – I resouled him… again. He seems to have trouble holding onto that soul. Maybe he should think about having it sewn on or something.

But Spike… There’s just something about him. Like maybe remembering him holding a broken bottle up against my face, or hitting Xander over the head and giving him a concussion, or that time he would have killed me if it weren’t for his chip – you know, dumb stuff like that.

It’s sort of a funny thing – my best friend loves a guy who has tried to kill me – several times. But I’m OK with it. I know he’s not going to hurt me as long as he’s got his soul. I just hope he’s better at keeping it tied on than Angel.

Thing is, I’m in no position to complain about that either. I tried to destroy the world. After that, it’d be pretty hypocritical of me to complain about the times Spike tried to kill me.

On my bad days, like most days, I think if he’d succeeded, it might have been better for everybody. I mean, if I was dead, I couldn’t have ripped Buffy out of Heaven. I wouldn’t have got high on dark magic and got Dawn hurt in a stupid car crash. I couldn’t have gone nuts and trashed the Magic Box, so maybe the gang would have someplace to meet other than Buffy’s house. Oh, and there was that little trying to destroy the world thing.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to sit here and do the whole “poor, pitiful me,” routine. So, who hasn’t tried to kill all their friends? I’m kind of in good company. Buffy’s done it, Andrew’s done it, Spike’s done it, I’ve done it. Good thing for us that only Andrew actually got away with it. Also a good thing that his friends weren’t us. Of course, he didn’t kill all his friends – just 50 percent. I took care of the other half. But that doesn’t count, does it? I mean, Warren was so not my friend.

But I still feel bad about him.

So, even if Spike sort of gives me wiggins, I’m not going to hold it against him. He’s a formerly evil, souled (for now) vampire. Nothing wrong with that.

And it’s certainly not his fault that Buffy and I aren’t as close as we used to be. That’s mostly my own fault. Not even fault, really. People change. People grow up. People develop different interests. People die and get dragged back and take up with a soulless vampire, and other people go nuts a say a lot of stuff that they can never take back…

But, Spike and Buffy… I don’t know how that’s going to work out. I mean, he’s a vampire. I know I said that doesn’t matter, but it kind of does. Like your boyfriend doesn’t have a pulse is a little worse than your significant other doesn’t have a … um … boy thingy.

But, it’s none of my business. Absolutely none of my business. Like I’ll just stay upstairs here and snuggle with my girlfriend … did I mention she has a pierced tongue?

Sometimes I think about how it used to be. Back when we were in high school. I was Buffy’s bestest friend. We could talk for hours and hours, and say nothing we could ever repeat. And she used to listen, too. And I really felt like we were fighting the good fight – and winning.

It’s not like that now. It’s not fair for me to get all worked up because nowadays if she’s going to talk to somebody for hours, it’s the vampire in the basement, and not her old high school bestest buddy. I think that’s part of growing up. Back then, friends were da bomb; now it’s lovers.

Me and Buffy… I’ve thought about it. But I stop thinking about it just about as fast. She’s cute, don’t get me wrong. But even taking into account that Buffy likes guys, I mean, really likes guys… even if she was batting for my team, I don’t think we’d be tongue buddies. I’m not sure why, but I’ve tried imagining it, and I just can’t.

I don’t have any problem with Spike and Buffy together. At least, not much problem. I mean, the vampire thing, that’s her business, isn’t it?

But sometimes I just wish it was more like it used to be. You know, Angel instead of Spike. I was still playing for the mixed team, and even if I know I am what I’m supposed to be, being more like everybody else was … just easier. And Buffy and me, we were thick as thieves – even when she was with Angel, because, you know, Angel didn’t live in the basement, and he was not around more than he was around.

I don’t know. Spike’s OK, I guess. He certainly hasn’t tried to kill me lately, if that’s anything to go by.

I like girls. My friend likes dead guys. I guess that’s about all you can say.

Originally posted at http://seasonal-spuffy.livejournal.com/80834.html