Curtain Call
by moscow_watcher
Enormous thanks for my beta reddygirl for her help and encouragement.
Timeline: During “Chosen”
Disclamer: Not mine. Helas.
*********************
“I love you.”
“No you don’t but thanks for saying it”.
“Shut up, Spike! You always find the most inappropriate time to try my patience!”
“Go, now! I wanna see how it ends.”
“Newsflash, idiot – it’s just the beginning… hopefully… God, this place is crumbling… Damn! What’s happening to us?”
“Bloody… Ouch! Buffy? Are you OK?”
“Shit! Where are we?”
“Argh… we’re… somewhere.”
“Uh-huh. Somewhere. It’s all your fault, Spike!”
“The hell it is! It’s Angel’s fault. His bloody amulet did it.”
“No, it’s a fault of one stupid vamp, who refused to leave the cave. Any idea where we landed?”
“Hmm… Closed space. Soft walls. Even the floor is soft”.
“Weird. Why is everything so white?”
“Pet, maybe it’s a bedroom dimension.”
“What?! There is no such thing as “bedroom dimension”.”
“Just kidding. Maybe we’re in heaven.”
“Come on, Spike, *this* can’t be heaven!”
“Why not? All the bloody heroes go to heaven. You’ve been sent to heaven once. This may be take two. And you brought me here in tow.”
“If it’s heaven, why is it so small?”
“Who knows? Maybe later, when we’ll satisfy our… our need to rest – maybe then it will expand. Transform into… um… a posh chalet with a view.”
“Lame.”
“Have better idea?”
“Sure. We’re in a mental ward dimension.”
“You call it “a better idea”, Slayer?”
“I call it a rational idea. Look around. It’s a cell in a loony bin.”
“No way.”
“A cell for truly violent madmen. That’s why the floor and walls are soft – so that they couldn’t hurt themselves by hitting heads or fists against them.”
“Bollocks!”
“Spike… this place looks exactly like the the mental ward dimension where I ended up when that demon… Nightmaring… poisoned me.”
“Glarghk Guhl Kashma’nik?”
“Whatever. ”
“Bugger. Oh, wait! If it’s a mental institution where are doctors, nurses and robust corps orderlies?”
“Don’t know. Maybe they’re just doing paperwork? Filling out our forms? And as soon as they finish it they’ll come here and separate us? And we’ll finally realise that it’s hell – to be in adjacent cells and never see each other again.”
“Are you daft? They couldn’t send you to hell!”
“They could send you. And you brought me in tow.”
“Bloody… Buffy, forgive me…”
“Spike, don’t torture yourself – I forgive…”
“No, don’t forgive me – it’s unforgivable! I’m a total ass!”
“Spike, you aren’t…”
“I should have pushed you away as soon as you approached me there in the cave! I shouldn’t have been listening to you! I shouldn’t have been looking into your googly eyes!”
“Spike, you’re right. You *are* a total ass! When I told you I loved you, I meant it, idiot! If you’d listen to me, by now we’d be safe, in the bus, on the way to… to new life. And because of you we ended up here.”
“That true? Why you’re so sure we could make it to the bus? And the bus could make it out of the earthquake? Come on, Slayer, the whole idea of the fight in the Hellmouth was crazy. I wish I talked Xander into stealing a crane and excavator from his construction site so that we could destroy the school and dig a big hole to let the sun into the bloody cave…”
“Crap.”
“Beg pardon?”
“Stop this crap, Spike. I tell you I love you, and you talk about cranes and excavators.”
“…”
“Spike? Have you swallowed your tongue?”
“Buffy, we both know you can’t love me.”
“I just can’t believe it! Instead of concentrating on looking for our way out I’m trying to convince this moron… OK. Do you remember that I happened to save you from The First? Do you know how difficult and dangerous it was?”
“You’d do it for any souled person, Buffy. Let’s stop this pointless conversation and concentrate on looking for the way out.”
“There is no way out of this damned cell and you know it! So don’t digress. Do you remember that I decided to remove your chip? That I had epic battles with Giles over you staying in my house?”
“I… You’ve been very kind to me.”
“Spike, I’m so gonna kick your stupid ass. In that abandoned house I practically dragged you into my bed. And? Nothing. The next day I wormed my way into your bed – I swallowed my damn pride, I practically wrote on my forehead “Spike, make love to me!” And guess what? Again – nothing! You just went asleep!”
“I… I didn’t. I was awake until you went asleep!”
“You mean you’ve been lying beside me all awake and counting sheep? I was waiting for a slightest sign of your attention and you were pretending you’re sleeping?!”
“I bloody wanted you to get rest!”
“Are you kidding? Or trying to get me mad?”
“Buffy…”
“We’re in what you call a bed dimension and instead of doing what normal people do in bed we’re talking about cranes and excavators!”
“Buffy…”
“Can you just shut up and kiss me? Because I… ooohh, do that again.”
“Like that?”
“Ooohhh…. yes…. Christ, that’s so good.”
“Pet, I’m… ooohhhh…. such hot little hands…”
“Harder.”
“Arghhh! We’re falling!”
“At least the floor is very soft indeed… We’re lucky it’s a bedroom dimension, not kitchen-full-of-knives-and-forks-and-glasses dimension!”
“Bloody hell, Slayer, we’re still falling… throught the floor… through some portal…”
“Hold on, Spike! ”
“I can’t zip my bloody pants!”
“Maybe they finished the paperwork and send us to… to…?”
“Maybe we’ll land in a real bed?”
“I feel something… It’s not a bed… it’s a desk…”
“We’re in somebody’s office.”
“Angel?!”
Originally posted at http://seasonal-spuffy.livejournal.com/91415.html
