Title: Stupid Vampire (I love you too)
Author: shaddyr
Rating: PG. Some bad words.
Summary: People who date sometimes bicker.
Timeline: Sometime in the future when Spike and Buffy are together.
A/N: Just a snippet of night on patrol. No real plot. No beta either – am currently out in the wilds of Saskatchewan with my sick mom and limited computer access, so ya gets whut ya gets. I hope that it is at least mildly amusing.
The smoldering ruin of what had once been a car was embedded in a swiftly decomposing demon carcass. Spike picked himself up off the ground and mentally cataloged his injuries. He surveyed the damage as Buffy climbed out of the driver’s seat and gingerly picked her way though gushing rivulets of ooze.
He gave her a wry smile as she approached. “Is it just you, love, or is it a family curse?”
She looked him over quickly, checking for any obvious damage. “What?”
He rubbed his right shoulder as he indicated the scrap metal heap that had been their current mode of transportation.
“The car, Slayer. You don’t seem to be able to get behind the wheel of a vehicle without destroying it.” He looked at her speculatively. “Your mum didn’t seem to have a problem getting from point A to point B without totalling her car. Got me to wondering if it’s just a Buffy thing.”
Buffy stood open-mouthed, staring at him. “I… you… argh!” she huffed, then turned to stalk away.
Spike rolled his eyes and followed her. “Aw, come on now, love, don’t be that way,” he cajoled, catching up to walk beside her.
She sulked as she stomped back toward the graveyard where they had been patrolling earlier. “You’re calling me a lousy driver.”
“I didn’t exactly say that.”
Buffy stopped, put her hands on her hips, and cocked an eyebrow at him. He shrugged, wincing as the cut in his shoulder twinged. “Buffy, you have to admit that driving is not one of your strong points.”
“You are such a jerk!”
“Hey! You’re the one who said, and I quote; “Cars and Buffy are not mixy things”, so don’t bite my head off for stating the obvious.”
“That’s not even the point!” she snapped, then turned away to trudge deeper into the cemetery.
So much for the early night they had been planning on. He rolled his head back and stared into the night sky. “Bloody…” With a sigh, he started after her again. “What is the point then, pray tell?”
Spike almost tripped over her when she rounded on him. She got right up in his face, poking him in the chest for emphasis. “The point is that I saved your sorry, bleached blond, undead ass. You get attacked, and when I see that slime demon is getting the better of you, I figure that since I am already in the car, running it down before it dusts you might be a good idea. And all I get from you is criticism about my driving.”
He captured her hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss. “I am very grateful that you saved my arse. Thank you.”
She reclaimed her hand and looked at him archly. “That’s better.”
“But, do you think next time you could try, maybe, just clipping the bad guy? You know, take out a leg, or maybe just maim-”
“Augh!” Buffy threw her hands up in disgust. “You dumb, stupid vampire!” she yelled. “It was just a car. A stupid car!”
“I liked that car-”
“Yeah, well I like YOU more than I liked that damn car! The car can be replaced. You can’t!”
Spike suddenly realized that he had missed something very important. Buffy really had been worried. And now she was mad because he was blowing off her concern. Huh. Who would have thought that snooping through Dawn’s Cosmo mags when he was bored would have turned up anything useful? This he could handle. Thoughtful boyfriend, version 1.1, coming right up.
He stepped in close and put his hands on her shoulders. “Buffy, I’m sorry you were scared. I was okay, really. Yeah, he was big and I’ve got a few bruises, but I would have been all right. ”
She shook her head. “Spike, you didn’t see it. He was swinging that slice-y tail thing at you and he was about to take your head off.”
“Buffy, I have fought these things before. I know how to handle them.”
She opened her mouth to argue that statement when a scrawny-looking vampire chose to intrude. It lunged at her from behind a headstone, and distracted by the argument, she didn’t spin around quickly enough to throw it off. Slayer and vampire went down in a heap. Spike took a step forward to help and she glared at him.
“I have fought these things before, you know,” she snarked back at him as she twisted out of the demon’s reach and jumped to her feet. “I can handle them.”
“Have it your way, love.” Spike leaned back against nearby tree and waited for her to finish.
The vampire was surprisingly quick and, when she pulled out a stake, managed to knock it out of her hand. She dove after the weapon, and the vamp followed, slamming her into the headstone. A few seconds later, Spike realized that something with seriously wrong. Buffy wasn’t moving, and before he could react, the vampire sank its teeth into her neck.
“Bugger!”
He flew at the vamp, knocking it off Buffy to go sprawling on the grass. Spike was on his knees beside her an instant later, gathering her up against his chest. “Buffy? Are you alright?” He placed a hand on the back of her head and discovered a large lump there with warm blood trickling down from the injury.
The intruder clambered to his feet, and backed away. “Fuck, man, I figured since you weren’t eating her, she was open season. Do you always argue with your food before you eat?”
Spike slowly looked up at the scrawny vamp, death in his eye. “Do you have any idea,” he asked, voice deceptively mild, “who she is?”
All he got in return was a blank stare. “Why should I care who she is? She’s food. I just got into town, man. Heard there was good hunting here.”
Gently, Spike lowered Buffy to the ground, then stood to face him. “That’s the Slayer.”
A part of Spike was amused to see the other vampire go pale. Or, paler than normal in any case.
“Slayer?” he squeaked. “I heard that she hangs out with this bad-assed vamp…”
Spike could almost see the gears turning as the other vamp added two and two together.
“Yes, she does.”
“And he kills demons for her.”
“Sounds like you’ve done your homework.”
Scrawny vamp gulped. “So you…”
Spike smiled. It wasn’t a very nice smile.
“Oh, fuck.” The vampire turned tail and beat it for the exit.
Spike gave him to the count of five, then pulled out a stake, took aim, and sent it flying. He was already back on grass beside Buffy when he heard the tell-tale screech and ‘whump’ signifying that scrawny was dust. She was sitting up, wincing as she touched the back of her head.
“Here now, love, let’s have a look at that.” He stood up, then helped her to her feet, stepping behind her to look at her head. “Bit of nasty bump there, love. Best get you home and get some ice on that.”
She waved him off and looked around as her fingers absently rubbed at her throat. “Did you dust him already?”
“Yeh.”
“Too bad. I really wanted to give him a good thrashing for… hey!” She stopped, mid thought, as she brought bloody fingers away from her neck. “He bit me?” Buffy looked over at Spike, outrage and chagrin battling for dominance over her features.
“Sorry about that, Slayer.” Spike slipped an arm around her, directing her to start down the path that led out of the cemetery. “I didn’t realize right off you’d hit your head. I jumped in soon as I did. Don’t fuss over it, love. I doubt he even got a taste.”
“I can’t believe some lame-ass, nobody vamp bit me.” Buffy scowled as they walked. “Oooh! Where is his dust? I wanna go stomp on it!”
Spike waved in the general direction the vamp had run off. “Somewhere that way. Don’t rightly know. Tossed a stake his way, then went back to make sure you were all right. There’ll always be another vamp to trounce, love. But you – you can’t be replaced.”
Buffy made a face at him. “This is not the same as the car.”
“I don’t care.”
She stopped walking and was about to start arguing again when Spike shushed her with a finger to her lips. “I meant that I don’t care about the car. It doesn’t matter. I’ll get a new car.”
Buffy considered this. “Oh.” They resumed walking, “Well, okay then.”
They passed by the wreck that had been Spike’s car, surrounded by a spreading pool of slime.
“The Bit’s been asking to borrow the wheels. I don’t rightly think I’ll be letting her anywhere near my car if she drives like you do.” He glanced over at her. “Then again, it’s not like I have a car to lend her at the moment.”
“Oh, shut up,” Buffy groused, and punched him in the arm. “Stupid vampire.”
Spike looked down as the slayer slipped her hand in his. She didn’t often talk aloud of deeper feelings, but the hand that squeezed his spoke volumes.
“I love you too, Buffy.”
And when he got her home, he planned on showing her exactly how much.
Originally posted at http://seasonal-spuffy.livejournal.com/5490.html
